Hey there, it‘s your favorite fashion-forward friend here, ready to dish on something a little different than the usual style advice. Today, we‘re going to get personal and talk about a topic that affects more men than you might realize: erectile dysfunction (ED). Specifically, the kind of ED that‘s triggered by stress, anxiety and pressure to perform in the bedroom.
If you‘ve ever struggled to get or keep an erection due to nerves or worries about "measuring up", you know how frustrating and emasculating it can feel. Trust me, I‘ve been there! That‘s why I was intrigued when I heard about Between Us Clinic‘s online program that uses mindfulness techniques to help conquer performance anxiety and ED.
I recently finished their 8-week Performance Anxiety Program and I‘m excited to share my experience with you. We‘ll dive into the details of what the program includes, how it works, and most importantly – whether I think it‘s worth checking out if you‘re looking to improve your sexual confidence and functioning.
But first, let‘s make sure we‘re all on the same page about what performance anxiety is and how it can lead to issues like erectile dysfunction.
The Low-Down on Performance Anxiety and ED
Performance anxiety is basically the fear of not being able to satisfy your partner sexually. It can involve worries about your sexual prowess, body image, penis size – you name it. Unfortunately, these fears have a way of becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The more anxious you feel about your sexual performance, the harder it becomes (pun intended) to relax and let yourself become fully aroused. Your mind is so preoccupied with potential "failure" that it can‘t tune into the pleasurable sensations that normally lead to an erection. It‘s a vicious cycle.
In fact, studies show that performance anxiety is one of the most common psychological causes of erectile dysfunction. A recent survey found that nearly 1 in 5 men have experienced difficulty getting an erection due to stress and anxiety.
Performance anxiety can affect men of all ages, but it tends to be most prevalent in younger guys who are still getting used to navigating sexual relationships. The pressure to be a "stud" in the sack can be incredibly intimidating, especially in a world where porn and media set unrealistic expectations around male sexuality.
So, what‘s a guy to do when his big head gets in the way of his little head doing its job? That‘s where mindfulness comes in.
How Mindfulness Meditation Can Help
Mindfulness is all about training yourself to pay attention to the present moment without judgment. It involves observing your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations with curiosity and acceptance – instead of getting carried away by them.
With practice, mindfulness can help quiet the chatter in your mind that fuels performance anxiety. Rather than fixating on worries about how long you‘ll last or what your partner is thinking, you learn to stay grounded in the physical and emotional sensations of the sexual experience.
Research shows that this present-moment awareness can work wonders for sexual difficulties like ED. In a 2018 study, 9 out of 10 men with anxiety-related erectile issues who completed a 4-week mindfulness training program were able to achieve erections again. Pretty impressive, right?
What‘s more, MRI scans reveal that 8 weeks of regular mindfulness meditation actually changes the brain in ways that can reduce anxiety and stress in the long run. Specifically, it shrinks the amygdala (the brain‘s "fear center") and strengthens the prefrontal cortex (the part that helps regulate emotions).
So in theory, mindfulness has the potential to get to the root of performance anxiety and ED – rather than just temporarily masking the symptoms.
That‘s where Between Us Clinic‘s program comes in. It takes these science-backed principles of mindfulness and applies them directly to the bedroom through a series of guided exercises and techniques.
What‘s Inside the Performance Anxiety Program
The program includes 4 modules that you work through over the course of 8 weeks. Each module focuses on a different aspect of mindfulness practice.
Module 1 is all about developing basic present-moment awareness through exercises like mindful breathing and body scans (a technique where you systematically focus on the physical sensations in each part of your body).
The goal is to get out of your anxious, future-focused mind and into your physical experience. This is harder than it sounds, but with consistency it really does get easier to "drop in" to the here and now.
Module 2 builds on this foundation by introducing practices to help you relate differently to anxious thoughts and sensations when they arise. Rather than getting sucked into the story your mind is telling you, you learn to observe these experiences from a place of curious detachment.
I found the exercise called "noting" to be especially helpful. When you notice an anxious thought (like "I‘m going to lose my erection again, I just know it"), you mentally label it as "worry" or "fear", then gently bring your attention back to your breath and body. It‘s a way of acknowledging the thought without getting hooked by it.
Module 3 goes deeper into working with difficult emotions like shame, embarrassment and frustration that often fuel the anxiety cycle. You practice staying present with these feelings in your body (tightness in your chest, heat in your face, etc.) and meeting them with self-compassion instead of harsh judgment.
There are also some great guided visualizations in this module that help you tap into sensual, confident states of being. I was surprised how much my mind and body relaxed when I imagined things like the warmth of sunlight on my skin or the scent of my partner‘s hair. It‘s a reminder that arousal doesn‘t just happen in your genitals, but in your entire being.
Module 4 is where the rubber meets the road. The meditations guide you to bring everything you‘ve practiced into solo and partnered sexual scenarios. You learn to fully engage all your senses and stay curious about the unfolding erotic experience, moment by moment.
One powerful exercise involves visualizing a sensual encounter while actively redirecting your focus from anxious thoughts to pleasurable sensations over and over. With this kind of repetition, you start to break the old anxiety patterns and groove new neural pathways in your brain that link sex with presence, enjoyment and confidence. Cool stuff!
The main practice in this final module is called "Mindful Sex" and it‘s exactly what it sounds like – applying mindful awareness to every aspect of lovemaking. There are prompts to help you tune into the details of your partner‘s touch, verbal and nonverbal communication, and your own sensory experience.
You also reflect on what you appreciate about your partner and yourself, generating more of the good feelings that open the doors to arousal. Rather than going into sex trying to impress, you approach it from a place of savoring and connection.
Beyond the core mindfulness meditations, the Performance Anxiety Program also includes a bunch of great content on the psychological piece of ED. The readings and reflective exercises cover:
- Myths and facts about "normal" male sexual functioning
- Challenging distorted beliefs about sexual "success" and "failure"
- How porn, media and cultural messages contribute to performance pressure
- The role of shame in sexual anxiety and how to practice self-acceptance
- Communication tools to enlist your partner‘s support and take the pressure off
I really appreciated how much care was taken to normalize performance worries and reframe how we think about sex in general. It helped me see that my anxiety said way more about my unrealistic expectations than my actual bedroom abilities.
The Science Behind the Program
One thing that really sets this program apart is that it was co-created by an expert team of psychologists, sex therapists and medical doctors. The co-founders, Daniel Sher and Dr. Zvi Zuckerman, both have decades of experience helping men overcome sexual difficulties.
Daniel is a registered clinical psychologist who did his Master‘s thesis on mindfulness for anxiety and has written extensively on male sexual health for outlets like Men‘s Health. Dr. Zuckerman is a certified sex therapist through AASECT with over 40 years under his belt as an MD.
In other words, these guys seriously know their stuff when it comes to sexual dysfunction and how to treat it through behavioral methods like mindfulness. It‘s not some gimmicky program slapped together to make a quick buck.
I was also impressed by all the studies they cite to back up their approach. Did you know that mindfulness-based therapy has been shown to be as effective as Viagra for psychogenic ED? In one clinical trial, men who completed an 8-week mindfulness training program had erection improvements on par with those taking PDE5 inhibitors – without the side effects.
What‘s more, research suggests that men who practice mindfulness continue to see progress in their erectile function even after they complete the initial training. A 2019 study found that participants‘ scores on the International Index of Erectile Function were still significantly higher 3 months after finishing a mindfulness-based treatment program for ED.
So while it‘s not an overnight fix, the skills you build through Between Us Clinic‘s program have the potential to keep improving your sexual performance and confidence long after the 8 weeks are up.
Putting It Into Practice
Of course, you might be wondering how my own experience with the program went. To be fully transparent, it was challenging to stay consistent with meditating every day. Life gets busy, ya know? But I did my best to carve out at least 15 minutes most days to practice and I‘m really glad I stuck with it.
Around Week 3 is when I started to notice a difference. Normally when I‘d be fooling around with a partner, my mind would already be in the future stressing about whether I‘d be able to "perform". But with the mindfulness techniques, I was able to catch those thoughts earlier and earlier.
Instead of getting sucked down the rabbit hole of anxiety, I‘d notice the worry, then consciously redirect my attention to the sensations in my body or my partner‘s smell and touch. The more I practiced choosing where to place my focus, the more easily I could relax into arousal and pleasure.
By the final weeks of the program, I was having some of the most connected, in-the-moment sexual experiences of my life. Not only was I getting erections more easily and reliably, but I was also way less fixated on my dick as the end-all-be-all of sex.
Don‘t get me wrong – I still had moments of performance anxiety here and there. But they didn‘t spiral out into full-blown ED like before. I was able to acknowledge the fears, then come back to the physical and emotional intimacy I was sharing with my partner.
Honestly, it was pretty amazing to feel like I was developing a new relationship to sex in general. One based on curiosity, presence and self-acceptance instead of pressure and "measuring up". I feel way more freedom to explore and communicate what I actually desire now.
Is It Right for You?
So now for the big question: is Between Us Clinic‘s Performance Anxiety Program worth investing in if you‘re struggling with stress-related ED?
I‘d say if your erectile issues are primarily due to performance anxiety and you‘re motivated to put in the time and energy to practice these mindfulness techniques regularly, it‘s a solid bet. The quality of the program is top-notch and grounded in real science and expertise.
Just keep in mind that it‘s not a quick fix. You‘ve got to be patient with the process and commit to showing up for yourself consistently.
But if you do, I genuinely believe this program can help you break out of the anxiety-ED cycle and rediscover how fun, pleasurable and empowering sex can be – boners and all! The confidence and peace of mind I‘ve gained from it have been absolutely worth it.
One caveat is if you think your ED is more due to physical factors like cardiovascular problems, diabetes, low testosterone, etc. – you‘ll probably want to see a doctor and get those underlying conditions addressed first. Mindfulness can certainly help with the stress and anxiety that often come along with medical ED, but it‘s not a substitute for medical treatment.
The great thing is, Between Us Clinic offers a free 7-day trial so you can check out some of the content and see if it resonates with you before purchasing the full program. They also have a super supportive and knowledgeable customer service team if you have any specific questions or concerns.
All in all, I highly recommend giving this program a shot if you‘re ready to stop letting performance anxiety rule your sex life. With some dedicated practice and self-compassion, I bet you‘ll be surprised how much more relaxed, confident and in the moment you can feel in bed. I know I was!
Thanks for letting me share a bit of my own journey with this stuff. I hope it helps you on yours! As always, feel free to slide into my DMs if you want to chat more. Wishing you all the hottest, most present, anxiety-free sex of your life.
Peace and boners,
[Your Name]
